• Male roommate: [when learning that I did not make out with some dude at a party] Oh man, you know he's cute and he thinks you're cute too, why didn't you just RAVAGE him?!
  • Me: [avoiding mention of 'lesbian by choice' to keep from blowing his mind] Well, it was just not the correct place and time, and I did not feel like having sex that night.
  • Male roommate: You didn't have to have sex! Nobody says you HAVE to take your pants off.
  • Me: Well, yeah, but what if he took the pants OFF of me against my will?
  • Male roommate: Then you need to set those boundaries.
  • Me: Sure, I can set boundaries all I want, but that doesn't mean he's going to respect them.
  • Male roommate: [skeptical] I don't know how many men really force themselves on women.
  • Me: Uh, statistically speaking, quite a lot. It's happened to me four times with four different men already. [not mentioning all the times I've given in to placate someone or just agreed to something I didn't want for the sake of avoiding a fight]
  • [pause]
  • Me: [later, to concerned female roommate] For me, sex with dudes is like eating one of those Little Debbie oatmeal creme pies. It tastes okay and everything, but I know what's in it and it kinda makes me feel sick afterwards.
  • Male roommate: [interrupting] You just need to be more careful with sex.
  • Me: [thinking] LOLWUT? You fucking idiot, leaving all that steaming heap of victim-blaming aside, for one thing, I AM 'careful with sex.' And you're calling me out on that and encouraging me to be LESS careful! That's what started this conversation! Don't you remember?! Am I the only sane person in this goddamned room, or even the fucking WORLD?!
  • Me: [out loud]: LOL.
  • [all actual verbatim quotes]
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